Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A look back on 2008

Gosh, so much has happened this year, I can't even begin to describe how I feel about it. But I'll give it a shot. To start, here's a brief look back on events in my life over the past year.

2008 started with a much needed night out with a friend. The first few months of 2008, were shaky, at best. I was going through a lot with friends, as well as work issues. I can't say that I made the best decisions in things I did, but at the time, I did what I thought needed to be done. I ended two friendships, one in February, one in March. The first may never be reconciled, as it was a permanent wound . The other, I'm slowly coming full circle again with. I'm hoping that forgiveness is making its way around as well, and we can continue to work on trust issues.

In May, the 12th to be exact, my friend Beth and I started on a weight loss journey. I don't think either of us expected it to go as far as it did, to totally flip our lives upside down. I'm not sure of what her exact numbers are, but together we've lost over 150 lbs. As of today I'm sitting at 78 lbs lost. Its been quite a roller coaster. We've had to deal with emotions coming up that we did not realize were hiding. We've both kicked each other's figurative bootys. We've struggled lots, but we've prevailed. And we enter this new year, with Beth within her range, and me slightly over half way to my goal.

I've had to take my child to the ER twice (once for a fever of 106, and once for stitches when he sliced his ankle on the bottom of our screen door). I rearranged my thinking on ADHD meds for kids, and my 4 year old is now on Strattera. And I must say, I'm happy with my decision, I think I did the best thing I could for him. He's doing really great on it at school, and he's thriving in PPCD. He loves it and is growing by leaps and bounds. Two steps forward, one step back, and ever moving forward. I'm so proud of my sweet boy!!!

Lets see what else. There have been some family members pass away this year, a great uncle, a 2nd cousin, another distant cousin. So its been a sad year for the Ragsdale clan, but we've had a birth - my cousin and his wife had a new baby in October. We got to see a black man get elected to become President this year, and even though I don't agree with his stance on things, you gotta admit, it's a good thing to break the color barrier in our presidential history. It leaves the door wide open for so much more to come. Now a black conservative president would freakin rock!

Its been a long year, lots has happened, but for me, it was a year of growing and becoming more secure in myself. So I guess, despite the trials, its been a good year. I've made lots of new friends, met new goals, and I'm looking forward to seeing what 2009 brings, and can't wait!

I pray that all of you have a blessed New Year, are able to reconcile 2008, and move onward with a fresh new look.

God bless.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

So excited...

I LOVE roadtrips. The open road, music jammin, window down (weather permitting of course), and nothing but headlights for miles. I get such a thrill! And yay, tomorrow, D and I are taking one!!! We will be leaving as soon as I get off work, hopefully around noon.

We're headed to Oklahoma City first to see my dad and his wife. On Friday, we're headed to Missouri to see one of my besttttest friends and her family. And we'll be headed home on Sunday. Its a 7 hour drive from here, and one we've made before.

I have to say, I'm so glad I have a child who loves it just as much as I do. He does great in the car, with the music, he always says "can you turn it up please???" (is that my kid or what???!!!), and tends to sleep through quite a bit of it. Its always a bit stressful on us at someone else's house, since D has to explore everything (ie. get INTO everything), and sometimes his tummy shows his internal stress of the routine change, but otherwise we typically have a good time.

I did take Monday off work, so that I can recuperate (and scheduled a doc apt for that day too, and maybe a movie). D will still go to daycare on Monday but since PPCD won't be back in session til Tuesday, he'll have an opportunity for a nap.

Wish us luck and say some prayers for safe travel!!!

Monday, December 29, 2008

A new holiday/trip survival initiative

I went into this holiday season gung-ho about losing weight and staying fully on track. Yeah, that got derailed with a month long plateau, plus an emotional week, and a few leg injuries. However, I HAVE stayed on the cardio every day for the challenge I started on DAM. It might not have always been awesome fall out on the floor cardio, but it gets my heart rate up and going.

I'm preparing to head off on a roadtrip from NYE until the 4th of January, and I could tell I was getting stressed over it way too much. So right now I'm determining that as long as I stick to my cal counts, I'm not going to worry about the quality of the food I eat. I will be keeping my portions moderate and trying to stick with my "safe" foods, and I think that should get me through the end of this holiday season intact.

Come January 6th I will be beginning the Year Without challenge, and I'm excited about that. Its going to really help me get eating out under control, and buying clothes for D...yikes...

Don't forget, too, to start checking here everyday to see what I'm eating, what activity I'm doing, and Saturdays are weigh-in days, so check back every Sunday for THOSE updates!!!

Friday, December 26, 2008

The day after...

*groan* I know I'm enjoying my Wii...I was up til 3am on it...lol But it was a blast, I'm excited to have it to enhance my workouts, with the Wii Fit and Fitness Ultimatum. Tonite, D and I played on Wii Sports: golf, bowling, boxing. I am not letting him play yet as his impulse control is not the greatest, but he had an awesome time beside me playing along with what I was doing. Hahaha, as I was boxing, when I knocked out my opponent, he was hollering "GO GIRL GO GIRL GO!!!" He's so cute. We had a grand time!

I was so glad to get today off work, we mainly laid around all day until dinner this evening, and playing on the Wii. But we watched Kung Fu Panda (his new movie) and I got a lot of his minitrampoline put together (dang laces, takes TWO people to put it together!!!), and even though he was overtired so had some super cranky moments, I still count it a nice day.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas!

I hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas with your families, and are making sure to remember the real meaning of Christmas. Not the gifts, not Santa, not spending money. Its all about Jesus. He's the reason we have the lives we do. I know its hard to not get caught up in the season, but its always good to take some time to reflect on his birth and its meaning for us.

Please check out D and I's blog for pictures of our Christmas!

Monday, December 22, 2008

New things a comin...

I made the decision to bring my part of our Losin Together blog over here to the Daily Bdizzle. I've felt kinda confined over there. Beth is lookin all hot and stuff, and right near her goal, and I've still got so much weight to go, so I think I need to branch out on my own.

So starting January 1st, I'll be posting all my food intake and output here, along with all the usual posting that noone ever reads...lol I'll move my stats over as well, and the pics too. And by the way, I'm sorry we never did a fence pic for our 6 month anniversary on it. I'll try to keep up with solo ones, though.

You'll still get all the good updates, all the highs and lows, and get to continue seeing this quest of mine.

So stay tuned...2009 is gonna be off the chain!!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

A rough weekend eating-wise

Or at least THINKIN about eating. Last week was all emotional eating for me, but I'm determined to not let it be the end of things. I wallowed in feeling sorry for myself a lot this weekend, but its over. And tomorrow I'll be back on the grind. I still have not missed a day of cardio, just food choices have not been happy.

I heard a quote today: "There's no sin in gettin weary, the sin is in giving up." And its true. I'm not giving up on this, I've come too far. So please ignore the last few days of my posts on our Losin blog. I'm glad I posted them, especially Fridays. I really had to work hard at not wanting to be ashamed of all that popcorn and candy, and wanting to hide it. But its out there.

Now if I can make it through these next two weeks, I'll be in good shape. Tuesday, my work is catering in Mexican food. I found out that Christmas Eve is going to be quite a bit of Mexican food. Christmas morning is going to be sausage casserole at my aunts. OMG I need some prayers!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Congrats Amanda!

I just wanted to say CONGRATS to my friend Amanda and her DH on the birth of their beautiful baby girl!!!

I went to go visit her today and she is SUCH a doll! Just absolutely beautiful, but of course, she's gonna be! lol

And big sis is so proud!!!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Truck Fail

About 4 years ago, we were all at work, and suddenly heard a CRASH from out back. And our power went out. So we all go out there to look, and a semitruck across the little canal out back of my office had hit the wires connected to the building across from us, and not only ripped them out of the building, but basically broke the power pole in half so the whole top half of it was on the ground!!!

2004 - See the guy standing there looking at it...you can so tell thats an "Oh SNAP!" face.


Well...this past week...we heard another CRASH. And the power went out. My first thought was...another semi hit the wires! And sure enough...yup...

2008


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Angelina Laurejandra Ramirez




A Mom in my local Moms Group lost her child last week. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

Angelina was almost 16 months old. Her life ended when a TV fell on top of her. They were able to save her organs and donate them. A 10 month old baby received her heart and a 7 year old boy received her liver. And another recipient received both of her kidneys. A miracle has been able to happen out of this tragedy.

Angelina is survived by her parents, Jessie and Miguel and two siblings, Yesenia (5) and Elena (4). I can not even begin to imagine what they are going through right now.

Please say a little extra prayer for Elena, the 4 year old sibling. The accident happened on her 4th birthday. Angelina was rushed to the hospital and survived till the 10th. It was on that day that they feel they lost her, but the hospital kept her "alive" till the 12th so they could use her organs.

Angelina Laurejandra Ramirez
September 19, 2007 - December 12, 2008

http://www.memorialobituaries.com/memorials/obits_display.cgi?action=viewobit&memid=195644

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Biggest Loser Finale Tonite!

I watched this tonite and just wanted to say CONGRATS to Michelle!!! She was my favorite going into the night and I'm SO GLAD she won it! (And apparently she's a local Dallas girl!!!) She did a great job, and looks absolutely amazing!!

She made a comment that stuck with me though. "Surrender to the process", its what got her through these past months at home. Think on that. I know I am, I'll post a blog later on what I get from it, need to ponder on it more.

If D knew how to cuss...

and I'm very fortunate that he does not yet, but he SO would have this morning, when he got his first taste of ice. I sent him out to the car this morning, not realizing that our patio was iced over. Two seconds later, D went bottom first on to the ground. Does it make me a bad mom that I cracked up laughing? The expression on his face was just PRICELESS! It was truly a "WTF!" moment. And the po baby could not get up by himself either. OMG, po thing. lol The next ten minutes, alllll the way to school, he kept exclaiming to himself, "I slipped! I slipped!" He just couldn't get past it.

In other news...I'm even more injured now. :( My thigh (pulled muscle) has been doing "ok" but it has its moments. It was fine at walmart last night and my workout, but a bit later, I was just walking back from the bathroom, it spasmed and made my knee go weak and give out...I went knee first into the tile. So now my knee is all nice and bruised. Its actually kinda purty. Blech. IT hurts like heck but I'm very well drugged up on ibuprofen right now so its feeling somewhat better. Prayers for swift healing are always greatly appreciated!

Monday, December 15, 2008

PSA of the day

If you have the opportunity to get gas on a day when the high is in the upper 60s, low 70s, please do it. Otherwise, you might find yourself shivering at 7am getting gas when the temp dropped suddenly overnight, its almost freezing, and while the E light hasn't come on yet, its close, and you have a 16 mile commute to work. And the windchill makes it even worse. True story. I'm still thawing out and berated myself the whole way through it.

On a good note though, it so totally rocks to fill up from almost Empty with only $20. I love it!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Bout dang time!

Today is official weigh-in day for the week, and I'm very pleased to announce that:

I'm off that crappy plateau!!! I weighed in at 252.2 this morning, which is the lowest its been since November 12th when I hit 254.4 and then it went back up to 257.8. Its been such a frustrating month, but I'm glad that I've found more resources to take control of my body and get the rest of this weight off!

So...just had to share. I might actually hit below 250 before Christmas! I so didn't want to start off the new year over 250...so this is progress!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

A yummy splurge day!

Ok I was very hesitant to have a splurge, since I think I'm JUST now coming off this plateau. But I did it anyway. However I got in two workouts today. So I'm happy with that. I guess.

However, my leg WAS doing better, and it at least allowed me to DO the two workouts, but the rest of the afternoon kinda sucked on that. Everytime I step wrong, a spasm goes through my upper thigh. It hurts like a mother when that happens!!!

Hopefully it will heal fast. I'm going to forego a walking workout tomorrow, in favor of swimming tomorrow evening, so maybe that will help to rest it.

In other news, today is my 8 year Work Anniversary! Go me! I can't believe I've been at my job since I was 21, I've spent the majority of my adult life here. Its definitely flown by, I've owned a house, adopted a child, moved severalllllllll times. There have been so many changes, its not even funny! They've really gotten to see me grow up and mature. I'm not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing...lol

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Maybe, could be???

I'm SO hesitant to post this...but I "might" be coming out of this plateau! I was down this morning (finallyyyyyy), but I won't post the number here just in case...lol I can't wait for Saturday weigh-in though to see if its still low.

I wonder how much cardio I'll be able to do the next few days though. Yesterday morning, I sustained a minor injury. I think I pulled a muscle in either my groin or my thigh. Normal strolling is fine, although I have a slight limp. But if I overextend it at all, I about fall out on the floor! Uggh. So no early morning workout today, but its a light day anyway since we have a splurge tomorrow, so I'm going to try and walk at lunch, and just try to keep the pace as much as possible. Oh and drug up on ibuprofen before I go. lol Friday night I think we are going to go swimming again to try and counteract tomorrows indulgence.

Funny story. When I picked up D from daycare yesterday, he was in time-out. On the other side of the room, a little girl was in time-out too. When I asked what happened...yeah, he and the little girl had been smooching!!! Acck! Darn kids starting early! I told him, "don'tchu know you're only allowed to kiss your momma!!!" lol *sigh* I can see his teen years now...omg...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Who for...

At some point in this crazy thing we call Weight Loss, you have to figure out who you are doing it for. And I've come to learn, you can't do it for anyone but yourself. It just doesn't work any other way. I'd like to say that I do this for D, but I know its not the truth. Sure, he might be some of my motivation to keep going, and its nice to have more energy to deal with him, but he's not why I'm doing this. I could say I'm doing this because I know people are watching the blogs. And
while that might be the truth, and its also some motivation because who wants to post that you just ate a crapload of cheesy junk food! But its also not WHY I'm doing this. I'm doing this for me. Because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. And once you hit a goal, then you know you CAN. And so can't just give up. Its like you would tell a child who says "I can't do it!!", I KNOW you can do it because I've seen you do it before, even if you don't want to try it right now. And
having lost 75 lbs, I now know I can, so whats another 75 in the big scheme of things?

And I've really come to realize this more over the last few weeks, especially with this dang plateau (on a sidenote: I'm so used to saying dang/damn/freakin plateau on here that I almost said it out loud in front of my grandma the other day...oops!). At some point, you have to
suck it up and realize that YOU are the only one who can make the decision, the only one who makes the choice each day to do what you are going to do. Its given me the strength to know that I really can do this on my own when the time comes for it. Sure, its nice to have the
accountability of the blog, which is something I doubt I will ever stop doing, but the dynamic of your weight loss changes when you pull the strength from within and don't rely on others to be strong for you. The only perfect human ever was Jesus. HE will never fail us. But we are
human, we fail. And its ok. The key is, what you do when you do fail. Do you allow that to set you back? Ya know, I think in some cases, its ok to take a step back and re-evaluate what you are doing. Two steps forward, one step back, right? As long as you keep taking those steps
forward, it will all work out in the end.

I know this was a crazy long blog, but I really felt like it needed to be written today, and I'm sorry its kind of all over the place. You should have seen the first draft!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Some WAY old pics of me...

I came across some of these pics of me as a baby and little kid so I thought I'd share...


That is one bald big ol head...

My big brother and I, look at his CURLS!

Whew finally some hair on that head...

I'm front and center laughing at my grandad and brother's antics...

I think we were being threatened to look at the camera...lol three of us are kinda serious lookin...my brother is on the far left. Then the other 3 are my cousins.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

A few days in...

We are now a few days in to the new tactic, and I can tell that my body is protesting this still. I'm on day 3 of an aching headache all day. Its not keeping me from living life but it sure is annoying as all get out because ibuprofen doesn't even touch it. For the 2nd day in a row, D and I went swimming today, each time for an hour. I'm really hoping maybe this switchup will help as well.

When I weighed in this morning, still no weight change though, but I'm still being patient.

Friday, December 5, 2008

So, the new tactic...

I think I might be on to something with upping calories. I think my body was definitely in starvation mode and its fighting coming out of it with a vengeance. I had a massive headache all day yesterday, and so far today, still have the crazy headache, plus a tummy ache. And ibuprofen is not taking this headache away. I had 800 mg yesterday and it did nada. *sigh*

So I guess I gotta wait and let my body adjust, hopefully the pounds will start moving here soon. I haven't really felt up to eating this morning, but I did have a banana and some hot cocoa, spiked with coffee. Apparently, my new body is COLD all the time! Blah...I was laughing at work yesterday because I used to always be the one complaining about how stuffy it was back here. But now, I'm the one bundled up in a jacket when everyone else is fine. THAT was an interesting turn of events, and one I didn't expect!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Scrooged

I have to admit, most of my life, I've felt like Scrooge. I just never could quite "feel" the holidays. With my mom choosing to not be part of the family, and (up until 2 years ago) not having much of a relationship with my dad, I always felt kind of like the stepchild at family gatherings. My brother lives with my aunt so he was "in" that all the time, and I think it was totally different for me feeling like an outsider. And I hated that feeling...still do. And even the last two years having D, I've still felt like that. Just couldn't get into the holiday spirit, didn't want to put up a tree since I thought he was too young to handle it, and probably wouldn't have kept his hands off it. Plus with my grandad getting close to the end 2 years ago, and then last year our first christmas without him...yeah its been difficult. I still get gifts for D, still did the stocking thing, still made it fun for HIM. But I just usually stay depressed all holiday season.

But this year feels different for ME. This year, I put up the tree, I got some photo cards made for D's teachers and therapists, I might even wear a Christmas shirt on that day. lol Granted, I still feel the loss of not having a mom around. Especially a mom who is alive and CHOOSES to not want to be with her children, who makes the choice to distance herself from family. Which I can't imagine how one comes to that, but thats a whole other blog in itself.

But I think this year, that Scrooge might just be retreating a bit, and I'm happy for that. I don't like feeling that dark cloud during a season that is supposed to be joyous and happy. Maybe this year, I can actually enjoy it for what it is and not think about the other mess.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

A new tactic

Well, this morning I decided to try something new. I'm upping my calories for awhile. The plan is to up them to at least 1600 until next Tuesday, when I'll have a light day, and then our splurge day is on Wednesday. I'm hoping that this will get something done with this dang plateau. And to be honest, having a PLAN for it, is greatly helping the frustration level. I was getting ready to tell this diet to kick rocks earlier! But its good to feel empowered. And shoot, I still might tell it to kick rocks if this doesn't work but its worth a shot for abit. lol

I also think...oddly enough...that maybe my evening cravings are related to this somehow. I had a LOT to eat during the day today to get my calories up (oatmeal, banana, 2 pbjs, apple, lowfat cottage cheese and almonds). But yet tonite, I had about the same amt of cals as a typical dinner, and I'm not feeling the awful cravings too bad. So I don't know if its the sense of empowerment from having a plan to get past this, or if it's because I have not been eating enough during the day that my body is really wanting more in the evening. I have no idea. But tonite is probably the easiest I've had in cravings in a couple weeks now. So I'm happy about that. Its nice for once to not be bombarded with awful cravings. I still feel it, but its tempered and very manageable. Any progress is good, right?

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Totally worth it...

Last night, I put up our Christmas tree. Its nothing special, a 6.5 ft pre-lit. And lemme tell ya, I was CUSSIN that thing. It looked so pitiful at first! lol But (and with the help of Beth, bless her heart), we got it all connected, I got all the branches more spread out, and it's looking pretty good now.

This morning, he didn't see it at first fortunately, so I had him go in his playroom while I turned it on. Then I called him in. And the look of wonder on his face just tore my heart to shreds. He was so excited about it, made the whole dang evening putting that thing up, totally worth it. I haven't done a tree in the past, a) didn't want to fool with it in an apartment, and b) he so wouldn't have kept his hands off it. But I am so glad that I did this year. Though I have a bad feeling that I'm going to have a fight on my hands taking it down after Christmas...lol

And to further rip my heart out...he asked me why it came (yes, he asks silly questions), and I said "Mommy put it up so we can look at the lights", he got all excited, gave me a HUGE hug and said "thank you, mommy!!!". Gosh, I love this kid. Though I was ready to strangle him yesterday morning for his attitude. Ironic, huh?

Monday, December 1, 2008

At least give me a VALID argument

D's gotten so argumentative lately. And it is driving me NUTS! Yesterday, I asked him to throw his night time pullup in the trash, he insisted it was dry. I said, I know it is, but if you want to wear your big boy underwear, it needs to go in the trash, its still been used. "But its DRYYYYY". Ok fine, I was not about to wrestle a pullup off him, so he got to wear a pullup all day. This morning, couldn't turn off his tv to get dressed since it wasn't "time yet"...couldn't find his school shoes, insisted they weren't by the back door, when they were right there. As soon as I headed towards the backdoor, all of a sudden, he "found" them. EVERY LITTLE THING he is arguing over, and I swear, I'm starting to wonder if this child is gonna make it to his 5th birthday. OY! Pray for my child, he needs it. lol

LOL and looking at the bright side of things, according to my friend Kristen, "at least he's more vocal". Yeah ok...