Friday, July 11, 2008

Did you ever imagine...

when you were little about what your life would be like when you became an adult? I'm sure we all did, but I wonder how many people are actually close to what they imagined? Or how many people are so far from it that they can't stand it. Thats where I'm at. I grew up with a broke single mom. She did not raise me, hard to raise someone when you're never home and your child is alone. Thats why I say it like that, that I grew up with her. And all my life, I wanted better. I
wanted to be completely in love with whatever vocation I was in, be madly in love and married, have children, and be financially secure enough to not have to ever worry. Well, I got ONE of those things. And my world revolves around my sweet boy.

At this point in my life, I'm nowhere NEAR what I've dreamed about though, and that frustrates the heck out of me! I think I need to start working on a gameplan to get there, but I honestly have no idea where to begin. It seems that everything I want to do requires time and resources that I just don't have access to. I would love to get my business off the ground, but again, that takes resources. I need a building and capital to get it up and running. And I see neither of those coming. I have a fulltime job and a child. That doesn't leave a lot. I'm basically at the same spot that my mom was in. Only I'm home at night with my son, and I would never leave him home alone to go be with ANY man. But this cycle that I see is worrying me. How do you get out of this trap? How do you get to a point where you can do what you love to do AND fulfill your commitments? I pray all the time for this and its not getting easier. :( Maybe someday. I know the desperation to not be in the cycle is there. Thats gotta count for something right?

Sorry for the vent, I'm just feeling mopey today due to some financial troubles and I'm crazy frustrated that I can NOT seem to get things together every month to actually get some money in savings so this doesn't happen.

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