8-8-8

What a day. Definitely not one to really live on in infamy, but a semi-rough day anyway. On a good note, I'm at 282.2, providing AF doesn't up that about 3-4 lbs or so in the next couple of days. And speaking of, AF is in full effect, and driving me nuts. I've been taking a dose a day of Midol to help with water weight gain and bloating, so we'll see if that makes a difference.

We did have a good time at our Splurge today at Dennys. You can read about what all I had on the Losin blog later today. We did not do a full all out splurge, tried to keep it under control. But I wanted to write some of what I've been thinking about with regard to that.

My cousin emailed me a bit ago with a warning (she knows about the diet) to make sure to replace the physical food that I'm getting rid of with spiritual food (or something to that effect) and today especially, I've been pondering lately what I'm actually replacing it with. Evenings have been SO MUCH better since I broke myself of night eating. I'm really glad I did it, I don't have cravings at night anymore, and really try to not eat after 7 or 8, to avoid that coming back. It gives me more mental energy in the evening to read my Bible, pray, workout, and not have to worry as much that I'll be wandering to the kitchen and back twenty times. And I'm really diggin that.

However, I do know that I am hypervigilant about the foods I eat now, almost to a fault. But it hit me after some comments at lunch, just HOW hypervigilant I am being. Maybe I need to ease up some on my own calorie counting? Or give myself the room to have a fun splurge without overanalyzing it? Truth is though, that I'm scared to, though I tried to play it off with jokes. Really scared. I'm afraid that if I do, I'll go back to my old ways. I can feel it everytime I think about someday going to a pizza buffet alone. And it freaks me out. I'm still so new at this, even though its been 3 months, that I don't trust myself yet to make rational decisions when it hasn't already been analyzed thoroughly. So until then, y'all are just gonna have to deal with it. Please don't laugh at me. I can't help it, and I have such a long way to go.