Some WAY old pics of me...

I came across some of these pics of me as a baby and little kid so I thought I'd share...

That is one bald big ol head...

My big brother and I, look at his CURLS!

Whew finally some hair on that head...

I'm front and center laughing at my grandad and brother's antics...

I think we were being threatened to look at the camera...lol three of us are kinda serious lookin...my brother is on the far left. Then the other 3 are my cousins.

A few days in...

We are now a few days in to the new tactic, and I can tell that my body is protesting this still. I'm on day 3 of an aching headache all day. Its not keeping me from living life but it sure is annoying as all get out because ibuprofen doesn't even touch it. For the 2nd day in a row, D and I went swimming today, each time for an hour. I'm really hoping maybe this switchup will help as well.

When I weighed in this morning, still no weight change though, but I'm still being patient.

So, the new tactic...

I think I might be on to something with upping calories. I think my body was definitely in starvation mode and its fighting coming out of it with a vengeance. I had a massive headache all day yesterday, and so far today, still have the crazy headache, plus a tummy ache. And ibuprofen is not taking this headache away. I had 800 mg yesterday and it did nada. *sigh*

So I guess I gotta wait and let my body adjust, hopefully the pounds will start moving here soon. I haven't really felt up to eating this morning, but I did have a banana and some hot cocoa, spiked with coffee. Apparently, my new body is COLD all the time! Blah...I was laughing at work yesterday because I used to always be the one complaining about how stuffy it was back here. But now, I'm the one bundled up in a jacket when everyone else is fine. THAT was an interesting turn of events, and one I didn't expect!

Scrooged

I have to admit, most of my life, I've felt like Scrooge. I just never could quite "feel" the holidays. With my mom choosing to not be part of the family, and (up until 2 years ago) not having much of a relationship with my dad, I always felt kind of like the stepchild at family gatherings. My brother lives with my aunt so he was "in" that all the time, and I think it was totally different for me feeling like an outsider. And I hated that feeling...still do. And even the last two years having D, I've still felt like that. Just couldn't get into the holiday spirit, didn't want to put up a tree since I thought he was too young to handle it, and probably wouldn't have kept his hands off it. Plus with my grandad getting close to the end 2 years ago, and then last year our first christmas without him...yeah its been difficult. I still get gifts for D, still did the stocking thing, still made it fun for HIM. But I just usually stay depressed all holiday season.

But this year feels different for ME. This year, I put up the tree, I got some photo cards made for D's teachers and therapists, I might even wear a Christmas shirt on that day. lol Granted, I still feel the loss of not having a mom around. Especially a mom who is alive and CHOOSES to not want to be with her children, who makes the choice to distance herself from family. Which I can't imagine how one comes to that, but thats a whole other blog in itself.

But I think this year, that Scrooge might just be retreating a bit, and I'm happy for that. I don't like feeling that dark cloud during a season that is supposed to be joyous and happy. Maybe this year, I can actually enjoy it for what it is and not think about the other mess.

A new tactic

Well, this morning I decided to try something new. I'm upping my calories for awhile. The plan is to up them to at least 1600 until next Tuesday, when I'll have a light day, and then our splurge day is on Wednesday. I'm hoping that this will get something done with this dang plateau. And to be honest, having a PLAN for it, is greatly helping the frustration level. I was getting ready to tell this diet to kick rocks earlier! But its good to feel empowered. And shoot, I still might tell it to kick rocks if this doesn't work but its worth a shot for abit. lol

I also think...oddly enough...that maybe my evening cravings are related to this somehow. I had a LOT to eat during the day today to get my calories up (oatmeal, banana, 2 pbjs, apple, lowfat cottage cheese and almonds). But yet tonite, I had about the same amt of cals as a typical dinner, and I'm not feeling the awful cravings too bad. So I don't know if its the sense of empowerment from having a plan to get past this, or if it's because I have not been eating enough during the day that my body is really wanting more in the evening. I have no idea. But tonite is probably the easiest I've had in cravings in a couple weeks now. So I'm happy about that. Its nice for once to not be bombarded with awful cravings. I still feel it, but its tempered and very manageable. Any progress is good, right?

Totally worth it...

Last night, I put up our Christmas tree. Its nothing special, a 6.5 ft pre-lit. And lemme tell ya, I was CUSSIN that thing. It looked so pitiful at first! lol But (and with the help of Beth, bless her heart), we got it all connected, I got all the branches more spread out, and it's looking pretty good now.

This morning, he didn't see it at first fortunately, so I had him go in his playroom while I turned it on. Then I called him in. And the look of wonder on his face just tore my heart to shreds. He was so excited about it, made the whole dang evening putting that thing up, totally worth it. I haven't done a tree in the past, a) didn't want to fool with it in an apartment, and b) he so wouldn't have kept his hands off it. But I am so glad that I did this year. Though I have a bad feeling that I'm going to have a fight on my hands taking it down after Christmas...lol

And to further rip my heart out...he asked me why it came (yes, he asks silly questions), and I said "Mommy put it up so we can look at the lights", he got all excited, gave me a HUGE hug and said "thank you, mommy!!!". Gosh, I love this kid. Though I was ready to strangle him yesterday morning for his attitude. Ironic, huh?

At least give me a VALID argument

D's gotten so argumentative lately. And it is driving me NUTS! Yesterday, I asked him to throw his night time pullup in the trash, he insisted it was dry. I said, I know it is, but if you want to wear your big boy underwear, it needs to go in the trash, its still been used. "But its DRYYYYY". Ok fine, I was not about to wrestle a pullup off him, so he got to wear a pullup all day. This morning, couldn't turn off his tv to get dressed since it wasn't "time yet"...couldn't find his school shoes, insisted they weren't by the back door, when they were right there. As soon as I headed towards the backdoor, all of a sudden, he "found" them. EVERY LITTLE THING he is arguing over, and I swear, I'm starting to wonder if this child is gonna make it to his 5th birthday. OY! Pray for my child, he needs it. lol

LOL and looking at the bright side of things, according to my friend Kristen, "at least he's more vocal". Yeah ok...