Struggling right now

Its hard to keep your focus when you are in a plateau, doing all the right things, and your body just will not cooperate. I'm getting majorly down about it, but trying to just keep my nose to the grindstone and hope it gets better. It seems like my body is fighting not wanting to go below 250. I hit 254, then back to 257, then slowly down to 254, back to 257, its frustrating me!!! I've tried to change things up, I'm still doing at least 30 of cardio everyday, so far have not missed a day! I made myself go clothes shopping today (my gma wanted to get me some for christmas), and even though I didn't want to go, I got up and went, and it helped some with the frustrations, though not as much as I had wanted. I got 2 pairs of 24 jeans (one was loose in the waist, but perfect in hips), and a size 22 pair of jeans. So at least I know I'm not going back up. Ugghhh.

I've started having nightmares again. I wish I knew what causes them. The one I had last week or so was the worst. I was quite shaken from it for most of the day. I'm exhausted from little sleep (and D has been up WAY early lately), and I don't WANT to sleep since these royally suck. So I'm tired, cranky, no fun. I'm thinking I'm going to make myself go to bed early tonite and just see how it goes. Please pray, these are kicking my butt.

Black Friday...what a day!

Did anyone else venture out?

I ended up only having to work til noon (although I did make a quick stop by Office Depot before that to get my new toy!), so my bro, D and I went out to lunch and then went shopping! We had a yummy lunch at Olive Garden (and were joined by Beth and her boys), then hit up Walmart, TRU, and finally the mall. Yikes it was crunk out there! Sheeesshhh...but I guess it could have been worse. I got a few small things, some $4 fleece hoodies for D, some shoes from Disney Store that I wanted for him, a couple shirts from Gymboree. This kid had better be good to go!!!

We had a great day! My bro babysat D while I worked in the morning (his daycare was closed), and D ended up falling asleep on the couch for an hour and a half, so they had a quiet morning. And I will say, for the most part, D was in a really good humor, and that always helps!

If you did venture out, what'd ya get?

Happy Thanksgiving!!

And what a way to start the day! D and I did the Turkey Trot this morning. It was SO stinkin crowded but I had a great time!!! D apparently did the Turkey NAP, because right after we crossed the STARTING line, he was asleep in his stroller, and he didn't wake up til there was only about a half mile left. lol Poor sleepy kid, acted like he'd been running or something...lol Anyway, including the jet to the train station afterward (hence why I'm estimating a full 3.5 miles), we completed it in an hour and 4 minutes. That beats our Ovarian Cancer 5K time by 11 minutes. Its SOMETHING!

Here's some pics...we're ready to go!

And little homeboy is passed OUT...

The finish line!!

I'm mentally/emotionally exhausted

And frankly, I can not wait for the holidays to be over. EVERY.DAY this week and last, there has been some kind of evil food item up here at work. Yesterday morning, someone was cooking QUICHE; the other day, a big meeting was catered, where they brought in hot cobblers/ice cream/white choc bread pudding. Today, there were donuts! I'm getting so tired of fighting not being able to eat this stuff. I'm standing firm right now, knowing Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I have some goodies planned in moderation, but gosh, this is wearing me down so bad. I try to hibernate in my office if I know something bad is out there, but unfortunately, as in the case of the cobbler/bread pudding, its all set up right outside of our department, and the smells collect back here, which can make it extremely difficult at times.

All that to say, please pray for sanity. lol I could use some.

Off to suck down some more water.

Is Christmas here yet???

I'm so stinkin excited! I'm getting a Wii for Christmas!! YAY!

Now...just gotta get a Wii Fit (my coworker has a brandnew one he'll sell me, but I gotta cough up the $90 for it), and Jillian Michael's Fitness Ultimatum and I'll be set to ramp up this weight loss! I'm going to wait til after Christmas to get the Fitness Ult. and see if I get any good giftcards to use.

On a different topic: you gotta love kids. Why, you ask? Because of their insane ability to melt your heart, stick their hands all into the melted wax, swirl it around, and have you all tangled up. lol This morning, D was being especially unfocused. His meds wear off overnight, so early mornings have been a bit rough lately, and this morning was no exception. So I got frustrated while I was trying to get him dressed this morning. Well, while I was lotioning his legs, I felt him looking at me. So I glanced over at him, and he gives me this gorgeous grin. I busted up laughing, how in the world do you stay frustrated with that!!! lol Gosh, I love that boy.

A night out!

I had a great night out! Too bad I didn't QUITE hit the 250 lb goal by yesterday morning, but I figure I'm close enough. lol My body is having some issues cooperating and its frustrating, but I'll get there.

Unfortunately, due to the nature of the night out, I can not reveal details, but there are a few pics roaming around out there. They'll NEVER be posted though, what happens on a night out, STAYS on a night out.

Today we hit up the Gaylord Hotel to take some pics, and I SO have to show you this comparison:

This was last year:


And this is today...can you believe the change??? I know I'm not NEAR there yet, but its a start! And ack look how much taller D is!!!

TGIF

Ah yes, its that time again. The end of the week, the joy of my whole week, its FRIDAY! And I have some rockin plans for this weekend. I'm getting a night out tomorrow night! My aunt and bro will be keeping D for me (what? did you think I'd leave him home alone? nah...not my style), and I know he'll have a blast. As for me, I'm starting it off with a MNO at Olive Garden, and then... "I love the night life, I love to boogie" *cue dorky dancing* Ok no, I won't be dancing *cough* much *cough*, I'm just not that coordinated, but I do know I'ma enjoy the heck out of the night since they come so few and far between!

I might share some pics later, but then again, it might be like last July. Those pics will never be seen. hehehehe

I did have to go back to the radiology lab today to get an abdominal obstruction series done. Nothing quite like having to strip down to your chonies, don a gown and press up against cold metal to make a Friday. (Although I know secretly, some of you do enjoy partaking of that on a Friday night. Go on, admit it!)

So that was my interesting part of the day. The rest of it has been...meh...typical. I did manage to steer clear of all the leftovers in the kitchen up here at work, although later, I did cop a tiny piece of fudge. But that was it, I promise. Does it count that I balanced it with an apple too? It better! lol Hope all of you have a spectacular weekend, stay warm!

Thanksgiving Part 1...DOWN!

Yay! Ok I have to brag on here a bit. So please forgive me. But I did it! We had our work thanksgiving luncheon today, and I was way nervous about it. The mountains of food that were there, looked amazing! But I made a plan and stuck to it. I plotted out exactly what I wanted most (some turkey and gravy, mac n cheese, and a roll). Those were the biggies for me. I planned for half a cup of the mac n cheese. Don't laugh at me, but I eyeballed it, then went back to my office before going in the luncheon to eat, and put it into a measuring cup, and sure enough, exactly half a cup! Hehehe I'm a dork!

So I had it all ready to go on fitday.com (including some salad as filler). At the last minute, I added a tad of chile rice casserole, but I went easier on the gravy to compensate. The only issue, was what to do after I finished eating. I knew that as long as I was around the food, it was just going to get worse.

As soon as I finished, I quietly snuck out and went to Walmart to buy some workout sweat pants that I desperately needed anyway. I know at least one person noticed me leave and wasn't happy about it, but I didn't care. Sticking around was so not worth compromising this diet. I've already been feeling so weak lately mentally, I needed a triumph to empower me! And I got it! Woot!

A huge test today

Today...is our Thanksgiving luncheon at work. I gotta admit, I'm nervous. The thought of all that yummy food is gnawing at me. I will say, I did plan out on fitday.com last night what I think is most important to me in getting some of, so I do have a plan in place. My contribution to the luncheon, is green salad with tomatoes, and fruit salad. So I KNOW there are some healthy options, and that really helps. If nothing else, I can fill up on salad! lol I know thats not much fun. I did plan for some turkey and gravy, some homemade mac n cheese, and a roll. Those are the items I always enjoy the most, so I figured I'd keep it simple and focus on those. Wish me luck today! If I can stick strictly to what I have planned out, and then have a simple dinner tonite, I should be doing great.

What are your holiday plans for surviving without gaining weight? Beth and I had talked awhile back about "just maintaining" through the holidays, but I don't want to go out like that! I have a goal to hit, and I don't want to slow this down. Truth be told, I'm scared to death of backsliding. I know how easy it would be, I fight it every day. So, no, Thanksgiving will not be a splurge day for me. I will probably be a bit higher in cals than usual (probably around 1500), but that will be because I'm doing the Turkey Trot that morning. I'll need a few extra cals!

This beast

I've been watching the tv show Ruby, about a 500 lb woman trying to lose weight, and I love how aptly she describes a food addiction. Its a "beast". It really and truly is. I know its something I will probably always fight. I can fight on a temporary basis, but I have to reconquer it every single day. Some days, its exhausting, and I give up and have something little. I've learned that in the worst of my cheese/carb cravings, that pickles are an adequate substitute. And they are low-cal, though high in sodium. However, my blood pressure is good right now...lol so I let them help calm the beast. Thats why you see a lot of pickles on my blog posts on our Losin blog. It works when its at its worst.

I still don't ever really feel "full". I don't know that I even really know what that means. I was concerned even at our last splurge, because all that fast food, and I still could have eaten more. And its been 6 months! I wonder if its all a mental thing or what. But it just means I have to work extra hard to let my calorie counts and percentages tell me when I've had too much. :( It sucks but thats how it is I guess.

I went and got a sonogram today for my GI issues, so we'll see how the results come back on that. I'll be starting Miralax here soon and then go from there I guess.

Today is a GI day *updated*

*Update* I went to the GI doc. She checked me over fully...and omg do I MEAN fully...I was quite violated! lol She took some blood, and I'm goin tomorrow for an abdominal ultrasound to make sure there are no obstructions. If it shows clear, I'll be starting on Miralax for the next 3 months, and then we'll go from there. She also suggested I had more healthy oils to my diet, like olive oil, and mainly flaxseed oil. She suggested a breakfast of oatmeal, with some of this cinnamon flaxseed oil you can find at Central Market. Needless to say, I did like her, she was really down to earth. I already have a followup visit scheduled for February. So theres your update. I'm still feeling pretty violated. I didn't even get treated to dinner first. :( Oh well, she was gentle enough. *Update*

Yup, today I go see the GI doc (actually I think she's an internal medicine doc, but close enough) to get my lower body all checked out. I'm extremely frustrated with things as they are, and ready to get some help. Please be praying for wisdom for the doc, that she can pinpoint what needs to be done, or what I can be doing to help this out.

The Alzheimers Memory Walk

Today was a special day for me. I walked in the Alzheimers Memory Walk in memory of my grandad. He passed away 2-24-07 of it, and its the first time I've been able to do the walk for him!! So I was excited, I thought about him the whole time, knowing that every little bit of money they raise puts us that much closer to a cure.

My friend and fellow DAM momma and her little man joined us. There were 4 of us that walked, and I SO want to thank you ladies for helping support this as well!! We were at the Dallas Zoo, so we DEFINITELY got a work out in with all the hills!! It was freakin COLD too so we were all bundled up.

Here's pics:

The walk!!

D bundled up at our train stop (yup, we took the train down to the zoo!)

Teresa and J on the train

Me and my COLD little boy

He's so cold, he doesn't wanna be seen...

J is sleepy and bundled up too

Teresa, me, and them boys...the sun was in J's eyes so he was hiding...

Day after a splurge thoughts

Wow, last night was YUM. And it was a lot of fun! Beth and I went and got our pics taken at JCP, I hosted an MNI at my house, and some truly awesome chicks showed up to help us celebrate! I did get Whataburger. I had a chicken strip combo with fries, an extra gravy, texas toast, and a kid size chocolate shake. I was miserable but oh it was good!!! I did compensate by making today a light day.

Ok, so...I had decided months ago, that when I hit 250 lbs, that I would get a sitter for D and have a big night out. Well, I'm 4.4 lbs from that. So I went ahead and scheduled the night out. It will be on November 22nd, which means I have 9 days to get that weight off!!! But I'm coming off a plateau, so its going fast right now, and if I can keep it up, it will happen. I doubt I will cancel the night out if I don't hit it though...its close enough...lol But regardless, I can't wait!! To be honest, I really didn't think I'd make it here. But here I am, and its going to happen!!

Psssttt...

Whats that you say? Well...its proof positive that I can freakin hit a goal! LOL That also means that I hit 75 lbs down in 6 months exactly!!! WOOHOO!!!

Today is Beth and I's 6 month diet anniversary, and I am so stinkin excited. We have lots of big plans for the day. Mine started with an awesome weigh-in this morning. This evening, we're going to go get our pictures professionally done at JCPenney, and then we have our splurge night at my house tonite! Its a Fast Food Splurge....BYOFF. And I'm not sure which I'm more excited about, losing 75 lbs, or getting Whataburger...lol hmmm I'll have to think on that. Its bound to be a good day though!!! We'll be posting progress pics hopefully pretty soon, so stay tuned!

A stormy night

Yeah, I was up half the night from it. D was awake at 2am, in my room, but fortunately, he went back to bed and slept the rest of the night. But he sure had to complain this morning about the "thunder last night that hurt my ears outside", he was quite perturbed...hehehe its so fascinating to me to hear him putting this stuff together and having complete thoughts about things, and remembering. He's telling me more lately about school, what he does, what he does not do, and I'm loving it!

I made an appt with a GI doctor for next week, so hopefully I can get some answers for the bowel issues that are plaguing me and which I am pretty certain, are keeping me from losing even more weight. Its frustrating to me! I'll definitely update after that appt.

Tomorrow is a big day for us, not only is it a splurge night (yummy fast food!!! I'm gettin whataburger!), but its the 6 month anniversary of the diet for Beth and I, and goodness knows I couldn't be more excited. My goal has been to hit 255 by then, and I'm SO FREAKIN CLOSE. I weighed in at 256 this morning, so going to keep this a light day today, and hopefully if I can have a BM, it will put me at the mark. Here's hoping, anyway, those darn BMs don't come easily!! If not, I'm sure I'll hit 255 sometime this week, which is still awesome, but oh, to hit it in the morning...that would ROCK.

Half of me...is gone...

And I'm not talkin about weight loss. I've felt for years like I'm not whole. I have God in my life, and I know I wouldn't be truly alive without Him, and I have this crazy funny kid whom I adore, I have a roof over my head, food in my tummy and my kid's tummy, and a steady job, but I don't feel complete. Truth be told, I've been depressed over this for a long time now...I don't understand why it seems like God is holding out on me. I know its not my realm of understanding. Maybe I'M not ready, maybe the man God has for me, isn't ready. I just wonder WHEN, God, WHEN? Nights are so lonely I can barely stand it somedays, and I don't want to turn to someone for comfort, when its not in Your plan, God. I got hit really hard with it on Saturday evening, and its been a struggle ever since. I don't want to go my own way outside of Your Will. I want to stay fully in the will of God, but, urgh its tough. I could use some prayer. I pray that if God does want me to remain single, that He'll give me peace about it. But I'm NOT at peace about it. I just wish I could see ahead of the present, to see what is instore for me, maybe then I could understand the wait.

A new realization

D did something early yesterday, and it didn't hit me til Chera pics yesterday and again today when looking at a few Chera pics I got...but...

D can now lay across my lap without hanging off!!! That's HUGE for me! And Chera captured the cutest pic of it! But I can't share it...lol because they are going to be Christmas gifts and I haven't seen the rest. Plus I don't want to share the outfit yet. lol But don't worry, come December, once gifts are given, I WILL share them! And I have no doubts that some of you will see them way before that, because its going to be hard to keep them under wraps for THAT long.

We had Chera pics today!

And I can not WAIT to see them! The little bits that I saw on her digital screen, looked like they are gonna ROCK!

Unfortunately, I can not show them yet, as they will be Christmas pics for family, etc. So you guys gots to wait. Ok I might have to do a SMALL sneak peek of those I'm not having printed. But we'll see.

In other news...I tried going back to Covenant tonite, and D made it through the whole service!! WOOHOO!!! This gives me hope. I know he had a timeout, but he MADE IT!! Keep it up, D-man!

Oh yeah, and only 2 lbs to go til I hit the halfway mark! My goal is to hit that by Wednesday which is our 6 month diet anniversary. I'll keep ya posted!!

More tummy issues...

I haven't posted on here about my tummy issues recently but this I need to share. I've posted before about the issues I've had with not "going" but every 2-3 days, and sometimes it gets really painful. I believe its because my colon was so stretched out from my previous diet, that it just is having trouble adapting to the new one.

Well last Thursday or Friday, I had a bowel movement. I did not have another until Tuesday of this week. Monday evening I took a stool softener/laxative. Tuesday morning, nothing, so I took another. This set off a day, afternoon and evening of misery. I'll spare you the details on that. However, when I woke up this morning (Friday), I had not had another BM since then. And I woke up in a LOT of pain. Unfortunately, I can't get into my doctor til next week :( After over an hour in the bathroom, I finally had SOMETHING happen. So that eased it off a bit, but I'm still really sore. When I talked to the nurse, she said they want to refer me to a gastroenterologist(sp?), but want to see me first next week, so we'll see how that goes. Something has to change, this is ridiculous.

Well its been two weeks

Since D started on Strattera. Its been interesting to see the transitions, but so far, I think we are seeing progress. His school is reporting an increase in attention span and focus. Mornings have been rough for us because the medicine from the day before has worn off, so he is more unfocused than normal for him, but I figure as long as he is doing better in school, that's all that matters. I can handle anything else.

Quote for the day:

"I asked God for all things, that I might enjoy life. God gave me life, that I might enjoy all things."

So now what?

The election is finally over, the votes have been counted, and it looks like Barack Obama is going to be our new president. I'm pretty torn on this one. I think its great that our country was able to look past the race issue and elect a black man. It gives me hope that my child will be able to do whatever he wants to in life with no barriers based on that alone.

But I'm bummed. I didn't want this specific black man as our president. Well, I still don't. I do not agree with a lot of the issues he stands for. However, he'll be my president now too. And I respect him for that. However, I'm very interested to see what the next 4 years bring. So I'm just praying, knowing that God is in control no matter what happens. God's got this, no matter who our president is, He never changes, and is always there. Everything else is just gravy, baby.

Tell me you did your duty...

Did you vote?? If so, comment and tell me! I don't care who you voted for, my theory is, if you don't vote, you can't complain!!

And after you voted, what good free food did you go get??

Free chickfila? Starbucks? Ben and Jerrys (from 5-8pm)? Can't forget the evilness of Krispy Kreme and the Cupcakery in Frisco! Get your free food on!

I feel like a real girl now!

lol Ok don't laugh, I'm serious. I was looking at the pics from the baby shower, in specific, the last pic. And was really thinking that wow I look like I actually fit IN to a group of other ladies, which is totally a first for me! I've never felt like I belonged in a picture, always the odd one out, the hugely fat one, and I hated it. I hated having my picture taken, but now, I'm starting to enjoy it a bit. And I like that feeling.

A baby shower for two dear friends!

Today we hosted a baby shower for our friends Amanda and Astreia. They are both due in December and are both such sweet mommas. We had a great time doing it!!! It was a late lunch at Johnny Carinos, and YUM, the food was really good. The wonderfully talented Beth ventured out into the world of fondant, and did SUCH an awesome job on her first cake with it!!! It was incredibly cute! Here's pics!

Cutest.cake.EVER!

Amanda won the first game....go girl!

A beautiful group of ladies!

Amanda and Dina

Amanda's beautiful daughter joined us as a big helper!

The glowing mommas...Astreia and Amanda

More lovely mommas!

And even more!!!

Time to open presents...Isabelle got to help...

And she is such a poser...well...they both are...lol

More presents...

The teddy bear from the cake...all by his lonesome now...

Isabelle didn't even want to be IN this pic, but look at that face!

Baby belly!

And our guest of honors with us two hostesses

So...its a weightloss announcement...

Ok its not a huge milestone. I still have a few more lbs til I hit one of those, but it IS a nice round number. lol Yup, as of this morning, i have officially lost 70 lbs, putting me at an even 260 lbs! Yup!!! I was excited!! I had been in a plateau for a couple weeks now and finally broke through it, and I couldn't be more happy.

It WAS a rough morning after that. D's therapist came by and he was already way tired, it kind of spiraled out of control, and he ended up running out the door when it was time for her to leave. I couldn't get around her to grab him, and he took off. Went running towards the street, turned at the sidewalk, kept running. He finally stopped up the street, but as soon as I got closer to him, he turned and ran INTO THE STREET. I have never freaked out so bad as a parent as I did then. MRI's, EEG's, adenoid surgery, stitches, 106 degree fevers...NONE of that is as horrifying as seeing cars in your peripheral vision headed toward your child while you are frantically tryin to get to them first. I took off running and grabbed him. I think I scared him by my reaction because by the time we got in the house, we were both bawling. Within 10 minutes, he was passed out asleep on the couch. I had known he was way tired, he was almost asleep before his therapist got there. Poor guy, his new med can really take it out of him...*sigh* dang, I think I just saw a few more gray hairs. And all I can think, is that 6 months and 70 lbs ago, I might not have been able to reach him. :(

The rest of our day after his nap was just fine other than typical D stuff. We got a lot of Christmas stuff bought for the projects we will be doing for gifts. We're making all of our gifts this year, so I'm excited. A few more little things will finish them out. But I can't spill the beans yet!! *grin*

Beth and I are hosting a baby shower tomorrow for two of our friends so stay tuned for pics of that!